Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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