this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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