Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Text me some of your sweat
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
