She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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