I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
