so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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