But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
