She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
