Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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