Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
