So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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