I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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