I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
