maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
