No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You made out with two different species that night
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I forget how to act sober
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
