I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
This house was built for laser tag.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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