dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
