just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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