i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize