His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
