Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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