Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
as a side note pls kill me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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