you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think people are normalizing furries
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
