Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
