Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tornado booty call.. dedication
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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