Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
