Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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