Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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