You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
