singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
