I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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