If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
