Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Let's paint friendship bongs
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
