her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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