Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
