Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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