But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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