When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We had sex on a dog bed..
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
