he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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