I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
