Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
