I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
