Plan B is the new Plan A
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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