I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
