Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
