Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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