if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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