Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We have started to decorate penises.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
