im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
