My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
