We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
