Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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