i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
