Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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