Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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