So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i was born a porn star she said
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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