wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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