Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
