How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she looked like the before picture.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
