I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
