Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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