If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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