Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize