Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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