Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize