The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
