3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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