Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Let's paint friendship bongs
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
