Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
