But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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