you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
