Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
