and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
should my penis look like a turkey
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
