Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Enjoy the penises
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
