Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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