I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
