My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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