Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize